One of my consultation clients is having tons of success with special needs potty boot camp.
But her son was afraid to use the toilet in their place of worship.
This is soooooo common! Kids finally get used to the set up in their home bathrooms. They know how long it takes to get there, where everything they need is located, and it is a place of success. And then they need to “go” away from home, without a diaper or Pull-Up on. They can cry, freeze, or have an accident because they are stressed or they run out the clock protesting.
Being afraid to use the public toilet can quickly become a thing. Ignoring their fears rarely works; they dig in harder. Strapping on a Pull-Up risks them deciding that if they can wear it out, they can keep wearing it when they get back home. You are back at square one, but this time you have someone who knows there is a failsafe option available if they protest enough.
What is the strategy that supports a child without shaming them or making it harder to use the public toilet with ease and confidence?
You take them to the toilet in every public space the two of you enter.
They don’t have to use the potty.
But you might.
And THAT is the most important thing!
Kids need to see and hear the sounds of a public potty. They learn that some are private, and some are big rows of stalls or urinals. They might not like it in there, but they aren’t shocked or terrified. Because those states make it hard to do your business, as my father would say. Which is the whole point of toilet training: you can go independently, anywhere, anytime.
Point out where the signs are that tell you how to find the toilet. This isn’t something kids notice. Tell them that when you go somewhere alone, you notice where the potties are because you know you will need them. You can leave out that older kids can “hold it” longer. Right now, they need to normalize public toilet use and know you have the strategies that work.
It also means that you won’t be as free as you are when you have a diapered child with you. Diapers and Pull-Ups give adults freedom from finding a toilet too. This is rarely mentioned: training your child means that you are (temporarily) tethered to their elimination needs too. This can be a pain. So many things about raising kids are. Full Stop. But we do it anyway. We aren’t immature. We are in this to help them become confident people. It starts now!!
If you need more support, go to Amazon and buy one of my great special needs potty training books! I have your back; every possible speed bump is in there. Real answers. Practical ones. It is what I do!
