Toilet training is, at its heart, building a child’s attention to their bodily needs and teaching them to physically manage them. They aren’t born knowing how far to push their pants down or how quickly they will need to get to the toilet after they sense urgency. The motivation will be there if they don’t like being soiled/wet and want to be independent. How you help them want independence depends on a combination of structure and encouragement.
Adults must instruct them in all of the steps of using the toilet. It is indeed the rare child that simply views toilet use by others and intuits the skills.
Here is the big secret: Kids have to pay attention to those instructions in order to become independent. There is another issue. Continuing to push their pants down, stand up, or walk through water/splash soap can be safety concerns. Before a child manages safety, they have to respond rapidly and completely to our instructions.
- What if your child isn’t paying attention to you?
- What if they can be distracted by anything, any sound, any movement around them, by their own thoughts?
- What if they struggle with receptive language?
- What if they wait until you physically prompt them to give you their attention?
Well, you play “Red Light, Green Light”, of course!
Yes; that ancient game that your great-granny played on the lawn with her friends. And most likely, her mom played with her buddies. “Red Light, Green Light”, for those of you who either do not recall it or never played this game, involves a leader in front of a distant row of kids. When the leader says, “Green Light”, the kids in the row can advance to tag the leader. They will try to be as fast as possible. When the leader calls out, “Red Light”, they must instantly freeze. They have to…pay attention! The leader is paying attention as well, because if someone did not freeze, they will be sent back to the starting line to begin again. The first child that can tag the leader wins and assumes that role. The leader will try to surprise the row of kids with suddenly shouting, “Red Light!” to get them to be sent back.
It is just as valuable for your child to be the leader, once they have learned the game. They will love being the one controlling you, and they will love watching whether you did indeed freeze or can be sent back to the starting line.
This game can be adapted for any space and any number of players. What qualifies as “not freezing” can be adjusted for age and mobility. Adults can intentionally move and be sent back to even the playing field. The most important thing is that it is a chance for a child to pay attention and respond rapidly. And have fun. Because the warmth and connection with an adult that is doing toilet training must be valued by that adult. No one likes to fail, and accidents will occur. Feeling that the people teaching you are on your side, supportive while insisting that you “go potty now” matters a lot. A game is a great way to weave in that warmth and connection while practicing attention.
Read more about potty training by checking out Try This Simple Strategy When Your Child Refuses To Use The Toilet and Toilet Training For Preschool And Stuck in Neutral? Here’s Why….. .
And of course, by taking a look at my two toilet training books that you can buy today on (where else?) Amazon .
